The Instagram effect

Back in late October, I spent a week at my parent's house with my brother and sister and my three kiddos.  Most of us adults are still recovering from the lack of sleep that entailed (this was one of Julia's first ear infections, and before we knew that screaming all the time was her #1 symptom...), so it wasn't exactly the fun and relaxing visit we had imagined.  BUT during that visit my siblings introduced me to Instagram, and then we got my fabulous mom to join, too.

Of course, given my propensity to over-analyze my (sometimes excessive) technology use, I've gone back and forth about this new development, wondering if it's really worth my time.

Then recently, with our travels and otherwise busy schedule, I unintentionally took a multi-week hiatus.

The thing that I missed, in retrospect, was an excuse to look for the positive and sweet moments of my day.  Posting to Instagram makes me stop, smile, and appreciate the silly and the precious that's mixed in with the crazy and the frustrating of every day.  Should I admit publicly that posting more regularly has helped improve my overall outlook?

My re-commitment to posting on the blog has had a similar effect, and I found myself over the weekend making mental notes about things the girls said, wanting to remember them and write them out here.  I wish I was better at keeping nice, written baby books for the kids, but in this case, the perfect is the enemy of the good.  My ideal of having physical records prevents me from even keeping track at all, and then time passes and I have nothing saved.  Poor Julia's year of milestones was such a blur that I have little to no recollection of her first rolls, steps, or words.

With all that said, today Pete got himself from laying down to sitting up for the first time.  And his top tooth - which has been coming in for two months now - finally broke through.

And this weekend, I was reminded over and over of the sweet mis-pronunciations that both girls use:

They love to play the "pe-nano."  And they were thrilled to attend a "festi-bull" at the school.

I'll probably always wrestle with the role of technology in our lives, but for now I'm giving myself permission to enjoy having an excuse to appreciate and remember the sweet spots of my day!

baby plants, baby people

Any posts I put together in the near future are very likely to revolve around my garden.  I've dubbed it my 4th baby for the summer (although maybe we should call it my 5th, because I always said that our Ithaca house was my first baby).

I never had a particularly green thumb before, although I think that was more for lack of attention (so many other projects!) and so there may have been some discussions in our house this spring as to whether or not I'd actually follow-through with weeding and watering and whatnot if we build the beds.

If anything kills my garden this year, it's not going to be neglect.  (Actually, the biggest problem I had so far was seeds that didn't sprout due to too much love, err, water).

The gardening season has coincided nicely with the development of Peter's reliable evening sleep habits, as well as with the girls new no-nap-early-bedtime schedule, and so I have a nice little chunk of time to spend outside.  It's incredibly peaceful to be able to do a task with painstaking attention and without interruption.

There are disappointments, of course, like the aforementioned packets of seeds that didn't materialize because I flooded them.  Or Tuesday evening when I discovered that our neighbor's cat(s) decided my fledgling zinnas patch was the best place to go to the bathroom.

But mostly I just wonder at the miracles God created (it's really amazing, isn't it - what grows from dirt?!) and breathe deeply and appreciate that I'm able to see relatively quick results at what love will grow.

Gardening isn't all that different from parenting, in the sense that "everything grows with love" (I saw a t-shirt with a cactus and that phrase before and thought it was brilliant and hilarious).  People (especially little ones) need someone to pay attention to how much water they've had to drink and whether or not they're overwhelmed by the sun or if someone is totally crowding out their space.  And grown-ups and kids alike thrive on love.

I am discovering that the behavior and mood of certain children of mine are particularly  PARTICULARLY sensitive to their sleeping and eating needs. (At which point I'm sure Justin would point out that apples don't fall far from mother tree...)  And yet sometimes, even when I think they've been pretty well rested and pretty well fed, there can still be an afternoon of tantrums.

I can only do so much, and it's an illusion that I could control every single factor to keep my (human and plant) babies growing perfectly.  My evenings of careful transplanting into straight little rows is balm for my soul after crazy days, but there's still the weather and the animals and the bugs and the mold to remind me that I'm not really in charge, and how much I depend on God to even open my eyes.  But He has given us the beautiful opportunity to cooperate with His grace, to nurture what He has given to us.

It's rewarding to see the results of love poured out in time and attention.  Less obviously in children, given that their seed-to-bloom time is a marathon and not a single summer.  But I'll keep digging away, day after day, watering, pruning, loving, appreciating.  What a wondrous gift we have to love things into bloom.

 
-

I'm not sure that this reflection is entirely coherent, but it was on my mind as I gardened this evening.  One of my other musings (and potential next post) is about doing something towards a goal instead of waiting until it can be perfect, so I'm going to apply that to this blog and hit publish!  Thanks for your kind response thus far to this reintroduction, and please know that your comments are so very much appreciated and inspire me to keep writing.

-

One last thought, I recently discovered the blog Better than Eden and was particularly moved by her post "When I'm hurting, draw me closer."  It's at least tangentially related to this post, or perhaps it's just on my mind because it's something I wish I had done better during the latest round of tantrums today, but I think it's worth a read!

Here we go again

A few things have happened recently.

(Well, between my last regular posts and now, a lot of things have happened.  Including a whole new, wonderful person who was added to our family.  But I digress).

Specifically, recently, a few things have happened:

1) I've been doing projects.  Things ground to a halt when I found out I was pregnant 18 months ago.  Since Peter's birth in September, I've had fits and starts of normalcy, but for the most part we've been thrown continually back into survival mode, especially by ear infections.  It doesn't take much to upset our (my?) equilibrium and routine for 3 kids four and under, but the unrelentless cycles of sickness really made it tough to find our normal.  15 doses of antibiotics and one ear surgery later, things are finally looking up.  Poor Julia is not in pain. We're all sleeping,  And I've got dirt and paint under my fingernails.

2) I read through my blog archives.  A few nights ago, I randomly decided to read some old posts, and ended up spending more than an hour laughing and crying myself through the memories.  I had forgotten how much I had captured, and was amazed by how little of it I would have remembered if it wasn't saved electronically.

My day-in-the-life post from November 2014 hit me hard:

"A few minutes later, I found myself basking in just how precious Anna was - I had called her a silly goose, and she said "nooo!  I'm Anna Rose, Mommy!" and she leaned her head on the door frame and looked at me with her big beautiful eyes and started singing "Rock-a-bye, Anna Rose."  And in that moment, I felt a great loss for how many of these beautiful moments that I cannot adequately capture or remember.  Over the course of the day, she makes me laugh and smile over and over again with her hilarious and sweet comments, and by the time Justin gets home I'm lucky if I can think of even one of them to tell him, and even then, the retelling is never as sweet as her little voice or her little head tilt.  I wish I had a constant video camera stream to replay all of those moments - for my own sake and for sharing, too."

3) I was honored to give advice to a mom-to-be.  A few weeks ago, I received an email asking me to share an inspirational message at a baby shower for a friend.  I was shocked and surprised at the invitation.  Even though the friend herself had asked privately for advice on pregnancy and motherhood, I couldn't believe when her mother asked me to speak at the shower and share my thoughts more publicly.  I still feel unworthy of the task, especially since I gave my talk to a room full of mothers with decades more experience than I.  Nonetheless, it got me to thinking....

And in reading this post, can you guess where all those things led?  Back here to Finding Former Glory.

My life is more hectic these days, and there are exponentially more sweet moments for me to forget.  More sadly, some days I think I'm too busy to notice, let alone remember.  I don't want these years to slip away.  And not just the adorable toddler comments, but my thoughts on motherhood.  My challenges and joys.

Sure, I could start a journal, but I've always been better with external motivations.  Maybe, just maybe, there are some friends out there for whom my ramblings are helpful.

And there will at least be projects (and adorable children) for photo fodder.

The miraculously imperfect

I sat down this afternoon for a little 15 minute rest and was giving myself a pep-talk about how Christmas will not be ruined if we leave some of the decorations in the storage bin, or if we have fewer desserts on the buffet at the party, and if Peter does not have a little red and green bowtie/vest combo to wear to Mass.

And it hit me - we're celebrating the miraculous in the imperfect.  A long, grueling trip.  No room in the inn.  Smelly, mooing creatures to greet the babe.

And regardless of the propriety or lack thereof, of the preparations or lack thereof, Christ came among us.  Despite our imperfections.  Nay, because of our imperfections.

This celebration is not about the surroundings or the visitors or the gifts.  It is about the love and the joy of His Presence, a presence that laughs in the face of human expectations.

So put away the to-do list and look beyond the unswept floors, and look to the smile of friends, the glee of the toddler, and above all to the babe in the manger, the one whose perfect love comes amidst our imperfect world.

Merry Christmas!


And keeping with the theme of imperfection, no time for pictures today!  Just imagine a nice shot of a manger here...and pretend that there was a nice summary to catch you up with the last 15 months since I last posted.  Maybe it won't be that long again :)

Maybe I meant next September ;)

When I posted that I'd be back in September, I really meant it.

But now that it is October, I clearly didn't.

If we could find a way to download my brain when I'm doing menial tasks, we'd have quite the blog.  But alas, that technology isn't available.  Well, it might be, I guess; I'm not actually interested in finding out.

We've been in the house almost 3 months now.  And it feels like home.  It feels like the place my heart has longed for over the last year - and, really, it longed for even in Ithaca when I thought I was content in my dream house.  I've learned that the place itself isn't really that important, but what is inside that makes it home.

The people, of course.  The things we need and use and love.  And, most of all, the relationships and the life that is built among those walls.

I have learned so many lessons about living intentionally, about living like Granny, about seizing the day and working hard and reaping the benefits, and of authentic relationships and true relaxation.  And all of the things that were theoretical for so long are coming to fruition in this house.

I've been so busy living this life that I (obviously) haven't written about it.  And I'm not sure when - or if - I will.  Stepping away from the Internet has been a lot more than just a refreshing pause to re-establish habits.  It's been a chance to really step into the authentic life we'd been too busy to create.

I'm not ready to say good-bye permanently to this blog, but I'm also not ready to put another timeline on when (or if) I'll write.  Now that the pressure's off, I might be inspired to write tomorrow.  But it might be next year.  Until then, all the best!

See you in September

I have so much to share about the house progress and how thrilling it is to finally be 'home' and how enjoyable and relaxing and productive our quiet evenings have been due to our Internet hiatus that I don't really know where to start.  And coupled with my recent discovery (unfortunately, after taking a bunch of great pictures!) that the camera cord has yet to be located, I'm going to call this an official blog break until we're a bit more settled.  August will still be busy with getting things set up and enjoying the rest of summer before the craziness of the fall semester, so I'm going to remove blogging from my to-do list for now - although it was already not getting done, now I don't have to feel guilty about wanting to do it and not.  I don't think that I'm ready to quit altogether, so let's meet back here in September and I'll show you lots of pretty "after" pictures :)

Until then, you can feel free to check out the "before" tour

or the house tour of our first house

or some of my thoughts on being a homemaker.

Passing the Time or Time Passing By?

A few weeks ago, when going through some hand-me-down craft supplies, I happened to end up with a copy of Woman's Day from July 1975.

It was so fascinating to hold a time capsule into, well, a woman's day 40 years ago.

And on some accounts, those days were just like mine - cooking (although I'm apparently lacking in the jello salad department), decorating (there were some sweet tips for "Furnishing the Multipurpose Room"), budgeting / dealing with stress / trying to find a flattering hair style.

And on other accounts, it was another reminder of how much our society has changed in a relatively short period of time.  The ads made me chuckle.  Cigarette advertising was prevalent, without so much as a blink about it being an unhealthy habit.  And there were sad reminders of what we've lost - the baseline assumptions about the sanctity of marriage in the heart-warming reflection by one young wife would be laughed off the page in today's hook-up culture.

But by far the biggest shocker was the first article touted on the front cover: "PRETTY SUMMER FASHIONS" ...not surprising, but keep reading... "To Knit, Crochet, and Sew."

There were pages of pages of projects - to knit, crochet, and sew - and we're not talking a 15 minute glue-gun craft that might grace a page of a modern magazine.  They're presenting full-length crochet swim cover-ups, the kind of project you or I may think of starting now in hopes of being done by next summer.  Or perhaps the one after that.

Apparently, in 1975, magazine publishers could assume that the average woman could knit, crochet, or sew AND that she had time to do so.

Historically, people have had "pastimes" - you know, activities like crafts and jigsaw puzzles and sitting around singing hymns - because they literally needed to pass the time.  To our ears, so overwhelmed by the cacophony of modern life, the idea that someone could need to save themselves from staring at the walls evening after evening is crazy.  After all, we can't even find time to look at the walls or notice and evict the family of spiders who have claimed the corner real-estate.  The thought of staring at the wall for 30 seconds sounds luxurious, and a whole quiet evening laughably unattainable.

In a society where "checking email quick" is code for "see you in 30 minutes when I return from this Facebook rabbit hole," we never have to pass the time.  It's passing us.  How many days have you looked up from your phone or computer or TV to see the clock and be shocked by the minutes and - be honest, hours - that have slipped right by?  How many evenings have your to-dos sat undone and your pastimes left untouched?

It's a delicate balance beam we walk in this brave new world of technology.  So many connections, benefits, and useful pieces of information, but at what cost?  Our busy, connected, informed lives whiz right by without any time to sit and enjoy, or to recharge.

So tonight, my (ironic Internet) soapbox is to ask each of you: are you passing your time or is it passing you by?  And, is that how you want to live your life?

Simplify.  Disconnect.  Live intentionally and purposefully.

**

To this end, Justin and I are really excited about our adventure in the new house - we're intentionally delaying our Internet installation.  We don't have a set time to sign-up.  It can't be too long, or the grandmothers will revolt for re-institution of Skype dates, but we're going to have some blissfully quiet and undistracted evenings.  I suspect we'll need to pass the time (ha, with unpacking boxes, probably), and I look forward to the board games and chats on the back porch and the projects I find in hand to fill those evenings.

More importantly than those weeks of forced disconnect, I'm excited about the new habits we'll form, hopefully habits that will last once we're reconnected.  I've recently been reading Gretchen Rubin's "Better Than Before: Mastering the Habits of our Everyday Lives" and was very convinced of the idea that this move (or any other change, like a new job, etc) can be a starting point for new habits.  This forced removal of the temptation to be constantly online isn't the only thing I'll be tackling - we've made a point already (amidst boxes galore) to focus on some of the things that need to be in place to contribute to the simple and functional home of our dreams (for example, we're training Anna (and ourselves!) to always put everything back in its place as soon as we're done using it).

And, don't you worry, I can still blog without Internet at home.  Our house is a short walk to Justin's (well-wired!) campus, and I have daydreams of slipping out to the coffee shop here and there to catch up on a little blogging.  As always, stay tuned :)