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On to a topic of homemaking that I think is a frustration for many of us in the age of Pinterest, HGTV, and decor blogs. We are inundated with images of homes full of perfect furniture, styled bookshelves, and picture frame vignettes - in short, picture perfection.
And then, looking around our own homes, with the yard sale dining table, and the off-shade of paint in the kitchen, and that awkward corner we have no idea how to furnish, we feel defeated. Or, we get trapped in an oscillating cycle of inspiration and desperation; seeing ALL of the possibilities and ALL of the projects and not knowing where or how to start, we throw up our hands at the lack of funds for a full kitchen renovation, and fail to take ten minutes to rearrange the cabinets so the ugly coffeemaker can move off the countertop.
I don't think the challenge is so much being exposed to these pictures of lovely homes, or that the problem is aspiring to having coordinating throw pillows and ideal furniture layouts. The problem is wanting it all NOW. Our instant gratification culture has us convinced that a makeover is a weekend project, and that you can go from "before" to "after" in the blink of a camera shutter. We believe that the "after" is the "finished," the "final," the "perfect."
I am typing this up tonight in the midst of trying to find the magic bullet that will turn our large "back room" office/family room/play room into the cozy and stylish room I have in my head slash Pinterest board. I want to be able to make a few quick changes and suddenly have it ready for a photo shoot. More realistically, it will be a process of tweaks. It has been a process of tweaks, if I remind myself that last fall the couch was still in the corner, or that two years ago I still had two tiny and mismatched area rugs, or that three years ago we hadn't yet drywalled the ceiling or painted the awful paneling. Baby steps, each gradual improvement getting us closer to a room I love.
As a home rightfully grows over time, slowly improved with realizations about how spaces are best utilized and accented with collections opened on decades worth of Christmas mornings, a homemaker also develops. Academic and corporate settings have a hierarchy that clearly reminds us how much we know or how much experience we have (and, most often, rewards commensurate responsibilities). For better or worse, homemaking and motherhood carries a whole lot of (important) responsibilities that are heaped on all at once, and it's not a secret that young wives and mothers can feel overwhelmed under the pressure to do everything well.
We perhaps tend to forget that there's a reason that grandma and the partner in the firm can perfectly juggle the timing of the turkey and all the sides, or the difficult client call (mutually exclusive examples, although probably there's some grandma out there who is somehow handling both). Experience begets mastery.
Lack of mastery should not and can not be the cause for throwing in the towel. It must be the motivation to continue trying, continue gaining experience. To continue tweaking rooms, continue repainting when you hate the wall color. To continue figuring out how to respond with charity and patience to tantruming children, continue trying new ways to structure the week's cleaning and laundry routines.
The way to be satisfied in the current state is to recognize it as such - the current state, a path towards the ideal. We are (or should be) in constant growth, becoming more and more of the people we want (and God wants!) us to be. We can't expect to reach that state tomorrow, but we also can't stop trying. Each day has to bring a step towards that ideal. Better everyday, but not perfect yet.
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Pictural evidence of lovely spaces that grow over time, in my parent's beautiful home with my sister for reference. (And - the room has continued to improve over the last 5 years since I snapped this shot and originally thought about writing this).
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| Mom's living room, circa early 2000s |
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| 2013 |
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